Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Nurturing Self-Esteem in Children and Teens

Self-esteem is the cornerstone of mental health, emotional stability, and lifelong success. According to Caroline Goldsmith, Consulting Clinical Psychologist at ATC Ireland, the development of self-esteem begins early — and its roots lie in the everyday interactions, experiences, and messages children receive. When children feel valued, competent, and accepted, they develop the inner strength to face life’s challenges with confidence and resilience.

In this blog, we explore Goldsmith’s expert guidance on how parents, caregivers, and educators can help children and teens build a strong and healthy sense of self-worth.

Understanding Self-Esteem in Children and Teens

Self-esteem refers to how we perceive and value ourselves — our beliefs about our abilities, worth, and potential. In children and adolescents, healthy self-esteem plays a central role in:

• Emotional regulation

• Academic motivation and achievement

• Peer relationships and social skills

• Resilience and decision-making

• Willingness to try new things and learn from mistakes

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can contribute to:

• Anxiety, depression, and withdrawal

• Poor academic performance

• Avoidance of challenges or risks

• Susceptibility to peer pressure

• Difficulty forming healthy relationships

Caroline Goldsmith emphasizes that self-esteem is not about inflated praise or perfection — it's about creating safe, supportive environments where children feel seen, respected, and capable.

Key Factors That Influence Self-Esteem

Goldsmith identifies several core influences on a child’s self-esteem:

1. Attachment and connection: Children develop self-worth through secure relationships with caregivers who offer love, attunement, and consistency.

2. Feedback and praise: How adults respond to children’s efforts, successes, and mistakes shapes their internal dialogue.

3. Autonomy and responsibility: Encouraging independence and problem-solving helps children feel capable and trusted.

4. Social comparisons: Especially during adolescence, comparing oneself to peers (often magnified by social media) can distort self-image.

5. Labels and identity: How a child is spoken about — by parents, teachers, and peers — influences how they see themselves.

Caroline Goldsmith’s 7 Pillars of Self-Esteem Building

1. Offer Unconditional Positive Regard

Children need to know they are valued just for being themselves — not only for what they do or achieve.

• Separate the child from their behavior: “I love you, but that behavior wasn’t okay.”

• Show affection and interest daily — not just when they “perform” well.

• Avoid shame-based discipline that damages their self-concept.

2. Celebrate Effort Over Outcome

Goldsmith teaches that focusing on effort fosters intrinsic motivation and a growth mindset.

• Praise persistence, creativity, and progress: “I saw how hard you worked on that.”

• Normalize mistakes as part of learning.

• Discourage perfectionism by sharing your own learning experiences.

3. Encourage Independence and Choice

Allowing children to make choices builds confidence and a sense of agency.

• Offer age-appropriate responsibilities and decision-making.

• Involve them in problem-solving rather than providing all the answers.

• Use supportive language: “What’s your plan for handling this?”

4. Help Them Discover Strengths

Knowing their own talents and qualities helps children build a positive self-identity.

• Highlight unique interests and abilities: “You’re really creative with words.”

• Support them in exploring hobbies, sports, or creative pursuits.

• Use strength-based feedback, even during correction: “You’re someone who really cares — I know that’s why you’re upset.”

5. Model Self-Compassion and Confidence

Children learn how to view themselves by watching the adults around them.

• Speak kindly about yourself in front of children.

• Admit your mistakes and how you recover from them.

• Demonstrate confidence through body language and self-talk.

6. Limit Comparison and External Validation

Especially in the age of social media, helping children focus on their internal worth is crucial.

• Teach them that social media doesn’t reflect real life.

• Encourage appreciation of individuality over popularity or perfection.

• Reinforce values like kindness, effort, and integrity over image or status.

7. Provide Emotional Safety and Connection

Children can only grow emotionally when they feel safe, seen, and secure.

• Create space for honest conversations without judgment.

• Validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with their actions.

• Be a consistent source of support through both success and failure.

Supporting Teens Through Self-Esteem Challenges

Adolescence is a period of identity formation, increasing vulnerability to insecurity and self-doubt. Caroline Goldsmith encourages parents and educators to:

• Stay engaged without being overbearing

• Respect growing independence while maintaining guidance

• Recognize that moodiness, withdrawal, or criticism may reflect inner turmoil

• Reinforce messages of worth and belonging, even during conflict

If a teenager’s self-esteem is chronically low — marked by intense self-criticism, social withdrawal, or signs of depression — professional support may be needed. Caroline Goldsmith and her team at ATC Ireland offer adolescent-focused assessments and therapeutic interventions designed to rebuild confidence and connection.

Resources and Tools from Caroline Goldsmith

• Self-esteem workbooks for children and teens

• Family workshops on resilience and emotional development

• One-to-one coaching and support for parents

• Confidence-building games and activities for younger children

• Support groups and peer-based programs for adolescents

Final Thoughts from Caroline Goldsmith

“Self-esteem isn’t built in a day,” says Goldsmith. “It’s built in the way we listen, the way we guide, and the way we believe in children — even when they struggle to believe in themselves. Every interaction is an opportunity to show them that they matter.”

By creating emotionally safe environments, encouraging autonomy, and modeling healthy self-worth, adults can empower children and teens to grow into resilient, confident individuals.